Welcome to the first installment of the DCR Diaries. Each segment is narrated by a new character. I'm going to try to make it one cohesive story. Today, we have Ralph, from Wreck-It-Ralph.

The Story

Hey, It's Ralph.

I don't want this anymore. I know, I said basically the same thing years ago. After that adventure, I figured I'd never game jump again, but I was totally wrong.

See, I'd learned that as long as I'm back in my own game by morning, I can totally go wherever I want. I find myself in Sugar Rush all the time, spending time with my friend Vanellope. I thought I'd made a mistake, but I became a pioneer.

Now, I'm in this stupid game called Disney Crossy Road. No matter how far I run, I can't escape this place. I'm trapped in a representation of Sugar Rush that kids these days call “retro.” I think it means old, but cool.

You'd think I'd love that, especially since Vanellope, Felix, and all the buddies are there too. Well, not Q*bert, or Bowser, or the Plants Versus Zombies guy. They couldn't get the licensing, but most of them are there. Problem is, I'm stuck next to myself when I'm not running. I have to deal with this Cupcake Ralph dude. He’s… erm… special.

He's one of those variants, see. They change one detail about the figure, and suddenly their personalities completely change… He has an obsession with candy and sweets that is just intolerable. I don't want to sound like the bad guy, but it's kind of scary. He’s like a two year old! He’s here, and… yep! He just asked if I want to take a bite out of the cupcake! That's really weird, because it's not a separable part of him! I can't stand him anymore!


DANG IT! I forgot that I can't break stuff in this stupid world without a cherry. These developers seriously underperformed at being accurate with my abilities. I should be able to punch the hood of one of those cars once, and annihilate the whole thing. When it hits me, it should be crinkling into a ball against my leg, not the other way around. In the ‘80’s, they just said “Ultimate destructive powers!” Now there's all these limitations. It's ridiculous.

One of these days. I'll get out of here. I'll find a way. The cords to power these devices don't work on a game by game basis. The old way doesn't cut it anymore. I'm tired of this repetition. I'm tired of getting flattened like a pancake! I'm finding my own game again. Someday. Somehow.

It's Turbo Time.

Closing Comments

What did you guys think? Let me know in the comments below! Stay tuned for more!

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